The Simple Lives We Live
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The Simple Lives We Live
You're Gonna Be All Right, Just Hang On | Reba Olsen
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At a big family reunion, Reba Olsen joked that if she didn't meet Mr. Right by the next one, she'd join the nunnery. She met Chuck in Laramie the very next day. The youngest of six kids from Oneida, near Pierre, South Dakota, Reba grew up in a home where Dad was the dreamer and Mom made it happen. From a Minnesota lake to teaching math in Cheyenne, Wyoming and at Dickinson State, she shares Christmas Eve midnight mass, the calculus professor who changed her path, counting loons, and the loss that tested her faith. Listen for what Father Roger told her when she admitted she was mad at God.
Welcome to The Simple Lives We Live, where we capture the extraordinary stories hidden inside ordinary lives. I'm your host, Kylie Simiano, and each week we sit down to share memories of love, family, hardship, joy, and the moments that shaped us. If these stories mean something to you, you can help support the podcast by subscribing, leaving a review, sharing episodes with family and friends, or donating through the links in our website and social media bios. Your support helps keep these stories alive. Now let's settle in and listen back together. All right, welcome back, everybody. We've got another episode today. The quote is Laughter is Timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever. And that is by Walt Disney. Okay, so my guest today, I have the lovely Reba Olson. Welcome. Thank you. It's good to be here. Yay! We made it work. We found a time. Yes. Okay, I'm and I'm super excited to hear, like you said, oh, I can talk about anything. So this will be great. First off, how old are you? I'm 59.
SPEAKER_0059. Usually my kids tell me.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00We don't want to admit it. No, she no, I just don't keep it's funny, I don't keep track of it. Yeah. Where were you born? I was born in Pier, South Dakota.
SPEAKER_01Okay, Pier, South Dakota.
SPEAKER_00We lived in, yeah, Oneida, South Dakota is where we did.
SPEAKER_01Or did you move around?
SPEAKER_00We moved, um, we lived on a farm in between Oneida and Pier. Uh, we have a family farm. Um, we moved off the farm, I think I was about four, and we moved into town in Oneida.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00And then in the big town of Oneida of about uh I was just gonna ask, how big is that? About 850 people if everybody's home. Um and so yeah, we lived there, and then um the economy and drought, because it was in the 70s, middle 70s, economy drought, and well, drought drove the economy. Um and my dad bought a place in Minnesota, near in north central Minnesota. And so we he started a business. Um, it was a I guess you would call it a secondhand business.
SPEAKER_01Um well, how old were you when you moved to Minnesota then?
SPEAKER_00Well, we lit we did that in the summers for what was it, about three or four summers.
SPEAKER_01So you would go from South Dakota to Minnesota?
SPEAKER_00In the summers. Okay, and then it was the fall of 1980. We um moved to Minnesota permanently.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00So um I'm the youngest of six.
SPEAKER_01You are the youngest of six.
SPEAKER_00I am the youngest of six, and uh, so let's name everybody in order. Randy, Rita, Rita, Ronnie, Rhonda, Ramona, Reba.
SPEAKER_01Well, all the R's.
SPEAKER_00Yes. And it wasn't it was not intentional.
SPEAKER_01It wasn't not intentional.
SPEAKER_00The four the story, the first four were they just happened to be the names that mom and dad liked that started with R. So then Ramona and I were intentional as far as Rs.
SPEAKER_02Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00They figured they started a pattern so they would continue.
SPEAKER_01So two boys, four girls. Four girls. Yes. Okay. Um, interesting. Now, how about your parents? What are their names? What were their names?
SPEAKER_00Madeline and John Zabroski. Okay. Talk to me about what they were like. What they were like. Um well, like one of my sisters just said, that dad was the dreamer, and mom made sure it happened. Dad could dad had um, I mean he could I don't know, he could look at something and how do I make it better, how do I work it better, and and look at a situation and and he would take risks to try something different.
SPEAKER_01The visionary.
SPEAKER_00The visionary. He, I mean, we we had a farm, we were on the farm for um many years, 50 a little less than 20 years, I guess it was our first, and um and then so the and then when we moved to town, we were um custom combiners. We had a crew that we would and we would head south, we did and to into Oklahoma, Kansas. Our camper. This is early early 70s. Um the campers that we have now are luxury compared to what we had we had a converted school bus, no running water. Oh my gosh. So my early, early memories are running through fields. Yeah. Uh, you know, wheat fields, and just we were, I I would call myself a little heathen because I refuse to wear clothes, but I had to, I was required to wear shorts.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Might have been a little prickly otherwise, right?
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah, I would run around those we those fields, no shoes, no, and the fields, the gravel road. I I yeah, but those are my early memories. Um, so so dad could so then he did that, and then there was a a clothing in a little town, um, there was a clothing store. Um, and he and mom bought that. So they did that and they expanded what they sold and um and um leather or you know, leather fixing boots and things like that. Um we're able to hire somebody to do that, saddles, leather work.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Um so your dad didn't do it, but he hired somebody to do it. Right, right. Okay.
SPEAKER_00In fact, it was uh the the gentleman that did it was a our uh Vietnamese refugee. Oh our church sponsored four men, and um one of them um worked for us, and he he did he did that leather work and he learned it. I don't know if he I don't know if he knew how to do it when he got it, but he learned it and um yeah, so so then the economy and and because of the drought and everything, the economy and so dad was started looking elsewhere. And so he was he's able to pivot and ch and to start over so many times. So he uh entrepreneuri had when we went to Minnesota, he yeah, like I said, he started this, he would buy estates and then for his for his products or for his inventory at his store. So it was uh it was a secondhand antique store before you know it was cool.
SPEAKER_01Now it's now it's a uh so now people like let's go thrifting. Right, right. That's a big thing, but not so much back. We went at second hand stores, but not like that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, this would have been, I'm gonna guess, like around 1976, 77.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So before it was cool, he started and now the 1976 stuff that was brand new is considered antique. Antique, right?
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes. So um, and then in Minnesota he uh started uh then he started businesses with my older siblings. So like he had a furniture store, and then my brother had that, and then mom and dad would back out, or you know, pull back, pull back, not back out, but pull back, and uh so he had a furniture store, and then they had a gas station convenience store.
SPEAKER_01Um all sorts of things, all sorts of things, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and then in uh what was it '91, they moved back to South Dakota. Okay. So I so I started school in Minnesota in eighth grade and graduated high school, college. So I had kind of two childhoods. I had in in the little town in South Dakota. Um, you know, in that little town, there were I think it was five cousins on my dad's side. So I grew up with all kinds of cousins. I think there were five families in that town at that time. So and everybody had like at least five kids. So like in my class in little little tiny town, I had there were four of us that were first cousins.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And um how many, how many were in the class total?
SPEAKER_00Like 21.
SPEAKER_01Okay, which still a decent number. Oh, it was a small town.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So it was um, so yeah, I grew up with all kinds of cousins and so you said in eighth grade is when you started school in Minnesota. You graduated high school in Minnesota as well, yeah. And college. Yes. Okay, okay, and we'll get to college. Tell me a little bit more about your mom.
SPEAKER_00My mom. Um she had she had a strength to her that I never I did not understand until I became a mom. Sorry.
SPEAKER_01Nope, that's why I've got Phoenixes. Um I know, right?
SPEAKER_00She she had a deep faith and she had um a strong love for her husband in some very, very difficult times. Very difficult times. Um she was a fabulous cook. She could, I don't, she very rarely used a recipe. She just, whatever she had, she put it together and she fed eight people at least.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Because there were quite often other, you know, people that showed up. Show us, you know, well, I'll make another an extra potato because you never know who's gonna show up. She um just a lovely, lovely woman. But her her faith, the older I've gotten about in her faith, and I think about where did my faith come from? What you know, what was my model? There was my grandma, her mom, and then and mom. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You um saying that about a deep love for for her husband. What what were the things that she did or said or the that makes you say that that you saw growing up? How was it that she loved her husband that you saw? Sometimes it's not always like the physical things necessarily.
SPEAKER_00No, it wasn't the physical, it was it was her commitment. It was cur her commitment to her marriage vows. My dad was an alcoholic. And so all the chaos, all the chaos and the uncertainty and the in the midst of all these things that um that occurred. She was the steady. And as a mom, I and as even as a teen, I remember like why do you not just leave him?
SPEAKER_01Honestly, yeah, because and now you realize how hard that had to have been.
SPEAKER_00That had to have been, yes, that had to have been. And so her faith and her love for and her marriage vows. And um, and as and he and dad, uh, as far as you know, kind of paving the opening some doors and stuff like that. Um, in let's see, was I was about seven, he did go to treatment. And funny that we're talking today, because uh about 10 days I was with my siblings and we were we we were talking about all this. It's kind of crazy. We're all you know quite a bit older, but um just different memories about it. And because I was just seven, barely seven.
SPEAKER_01So able to stay sober after that? He did.
SPEAKER_00He did.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's wonderful.
SPEAKER_00He did. He and and and again, mom mom she was there. She was there, she um said, you know, just we're not doing this anymore. You do something about it, or we're not and he was in such he was in really, really rough physical shape when he did finally go in to the treatment. But again, this was 73, 74, you know, and central South Dakota, rural, rural South Dakota. And what do you have problems with your with alcohol? I mean, you you can't handle your alcohol, you you must be weak. You must be, and he was one of nine children, and his siblings were like, I don't know, what are you doing, John? You know, what's you you can handle, why can't you handle that? And so there was a lot of embarrassment, there was a lot of shame at that time. You know, today what they're able to do with treatment, like they treat the whole family and they treat the whole person, which means the whole family, like there were my siblings are talking about that for the first few weeks, they they would not let my dad see my mom or any of us kids. And as it comes, you know, my mom was dad's lightning rod. He he kept begging, let me see. Let me see, and so they're there, I think in the treatment world, they were trying to figure all it all that out at the time. At the time, yes, at the time. So they finally relented and let dad see us and see mom and see and um so when I was thinking about that the other, you know, a couple weeks ago when we were talking to my siblings, and it's like that he he was also like setting a setting a a path. But my mom made sure it happened. Yes, so in that my mom held everything together. My mom held, you know, all of us together, and I think about as as me as a mom and I've got six kids.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um did she ever work?
SPEAKER_01She did the home.
SPEAKER_00Okay, yeah, okay. So when we moved to town, okay, she at that clothing store I mentioned, she worked at the clothing store.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00She well, when we would custom combine all that, so she did everything. I mean, she drove trucks, she drove the bus. It broke down, so you gotta go get you gotta go get parts. You got so she was, and she was the keeping track of the finances, and that's the part about dad was the dreamer, and mom made sure it all happened. So she and then I mean, she cooked in the bus for all of you know, eight, yeah, and all the higher the hired people and all this stuff.
SPEAKER_01So um but I love that you were so influenced by her because I think people um just to get get people to realize it wasn't because of you haven't said anything about her looks, you haven't said anything about right or weight. You haven't said, but because those things really don't matter when we remember people, it's how they treated us, how they made us feel. Um, it's all those other things and so often anymore. We focus on yeah, the stuff that really doesn't matter at all. Yep. Um and she probably wasn't going and getting her hair done at her nails.
SPEAKER_00No, no, but I'll tell you what, that woman would not leave if she was even just going uptown to get the mail, she had to have her lipstick on.
SPEAKER_01Oh, love it, love it, love it. Always very well put together.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, she was, you know, and she was, but and look, she was a very beautiful my my husband, my my dad was he married up, but he was he was a lucky man, but he but it was what we always teased her about, yeah, you're just going to get the mail, mom. But she's like, I have to put my lipstick on.
SPEAKER_01And some of them I had that, right? That one thing that was yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, she was, you know, a product of the 50s.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yes.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes. So yeah, so in all of their businesses, mom was um, she did all the books and she did, you know, all of that. So she was it was very much a partnership.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, and I would say she was the she was the glue and the and the driving force as far as making sure things and didn't get off track. Didn't get off track. And yeah.
SPEAKER_01So you grew up on a farm for a little bit and then more town lifestyle, right? So what chores did you have growing up? Do you remember what kind of chores you had?
SPEAKER_00Um cleaning the house.
SPEAKER_01Cleaning the house.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, cleaning the house. My so yeah, I have three sisters, and so as girls were in charge of cleaning the house. We still joke about our oldest sister who was in charge, telling everybody else, Rita, telling everybody else, you know, and making sure we do it. She had it. If you're gonna bother to do a job, then bother to do it right.
SPEAKER_01I love that.
SPEAKER_00And she would make me dust. I hate dusting, but um, so we the joke is in our family, she's the dust witch. And so that's the joke.
SPEAKER_01There could be worse things.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Well, and the the she she had a lot, and it was in the time when dad was in his throes of alcohol, and so she had a lot on her shoulders as the oldest daughter. Yeah, she she did a lot of raising of me being the youngest. Um, she also makes me cry because of her generosity and her love. Um, so so we had, you know, just clean you know, cleaning the house, um, laundry, dishes, it all that. Um, mowing the lawn.
SPEAKER_01Did the two boys have to do more of the outside stuff? Or what were their what did they kind of do?
SPEAKER_00I don't remember because the oldest is 12 years older than I am. Okay. So I don't remember him growing up with him in the house as much. Um the younger, he's what, eight years older than I am. And I don't he probably had to mow the lawn, but when in when we were out in the country, when we were in the farm, yes, they did all kinds of outside stuff. Absolutely. Um, I remember a story that uh dad, my brother, oldest brother was like 15 years old. And dad, dad's brother was moving from um southeast South Dakota back to central South Dakota, where we're he just put my brother, who's about 15 years old, 14, 15 years old, and younger brother, who is maybe 10, put them in that truck and just sent them down there. So it's down by Sioux Falls to go as a truck to help move uncle and aunt back to, and they just did. So they did, um, yeah, crazy. I you think about that today, and oh my goodness. Uh so yeah, they so that yeah, they did more outside stuff, but look when we moved to Minnesota, um it was just us girls, so we did so I both inside and outside mowing the lawn. Uh we were lucky enough that our house was on a lake. And um yeah, very fortunate for that. And so you got to clean the beach and you gotta take care of the weeds and mowing the lawn and then did all the inside chores as well. Yeah, we uh our house was um heated by wood, so we split and stacked all the wood for the year and I can smell it. So yeah, we did, yeah. So whatever needed to be done, we did. And it at that time, especially with my it mo the that we were we were the only kid, it didn't matter inside outside stuff. It was we did yeah, we did all the and then I like I want to say I was like in eighth grade is when I learned to cook because I um I took you know mom would go to work with dad at the businesses that they started, and then she'd come home and then make you know, get home like at six o'clock, and then make some. So I learned how to cook by mom, because didn't do recipes.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_00She just set out some steak, you know, whatever, round steak, whatever, and she would just um, and then when I would get home, I would call her and say, okay, what do I do? How do I what do I do next? What do I do next? So that's how I learned to cook.
SPEAKER_01But the ingredients were there.
SPEAKER_00Yes. She would, she would, yeah, she would, you know, okay, let's have this. And then so that's how I learned, and then I, and then I found out I I really kind of like it. I really like I like to cook. And but I but I felt like it was it was one thing that I did that I didn't, I didn't feel like I um I was a crabby teenager about with my mom because I saw it as helping her. The other chores and all that stuff was, yeah, I'd get I was a grumpy teenager, but what why do I have to do it? Make Mona do it, sort of thing. But um have those arguments. But the the cooking part was I I saw as a way that I could help mom.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, relieve a lot of the burn in.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yeah. So that they came home and there's and there's meals. Um, and then I learned how to cook. And so that's I cook a lot that way. A recipe is just a suggestion.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And then you can always add more garlic.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. You always add more garlic. We have a vampire problem at our house.
SPEAKER_01So um, so yeah, that's um so what what was school like then for you growing up? Because you had to switch schools.
SPEAKER_00Yes. I was a I Was in a very big comfort zone in that little town because I like I said I have three cousins in my class just on my dad's side, and then there were cousins, you know, streaming all through the because it was a K-12 school. Yes. Cousins streaming all through it. And so um, so I was in a and you know, it was a town where if you did something wrong, your parents knew about it before you got home. And it didn't matter if it was your aunts and uncles, it was just you know, the neighbors, whatever. We uh we lived at the swimming pool in the summer and rode our bikes home and and all that. But they but school was uh so I was in a very good comfort zone. I I've told the story quite often. I'm I'm left-handed. And so my second grade teacher, that's where we learned how to cursive right, she decided that I needed to be fixed. So she I was supposed to use my right hand, and so she was not very nice about, and she would strike me with rulers and remember the wooden rulers with the little metal part, yeah. And so, and mom and dad, they're like, you know, school was authority, and but I came home crying one too many times. She turned me around, she happened to home and she turned me around. We walked back to school, and she told the teacher, uh, it's okay with her dad and I that she's left-handed. It's like she looks like the rest of them. We can't put her back. So we're gonna just we're just gonna accept this about her that she's left-handed.
SPEAKER_01So you're still left-handed.
SPEAKER_00I am still left-handed. I am still left-handed. So, but I'm told that I, in fact, in college, I had to write a we had to write a personal paper about what about us is in like an individual difference paper.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I'm like, well, I grew up and you were either Catholic or one of the others. It was very, you know, it was very, it was, you know, and so it's like, well, I but so I wrote about being left-handed in my that's awful. Yeah, he really liked the paper. I even it was back in the days when they gave you, it was it. I got an A. Oh, but he thought I made up the name of the the lady, the teacher. I thought her name was Mrs. Schwartz and Druber.
SPEAKER_01And that was her actual name. That was her actual name. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Gladys Schwartz and Druber. Old school. Old school. Yes.
SPEAKER_01So then what was it like when you went to eighth grade? Eighth grade is a hard time, anyways.
SPEAKER_00Eighth grade is a hard, yes. And switching, and so the school that I went to, it was a junior high, seventh, eighth, and ninth grade. It had a greater population than the town I had left.
SPEAKER_01That's that's uh quite the transition.
SPEAKER_00It was, and I was not, I I I was not a happy camper, and I made sure my parents knew about and I would I was not a nice person to my uh to my parents, especially my I was I was so mad because I had to leave that comfort and that and was it just you and Ramona who graduated from that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so the other four got to and it was starting to yes, and as a as an eighth grade, I thought it was unfair.
SPEAKER_00It was unfair that they got to graduate there and they got to have that life. Yeah, and Mona and I had to figure figure it out. Make new friends, and they didn't, I mean, mom, you know, dad was like you do with school, and mom mom was out of her element just as much as we were, and so we were all we were all adrift, yeah. And yeah, so that was and yeah, and me as an eighth grader, and and and yes, eighth grade is hard. It's it's a hard, hard time of of life for especially girls, but yeah, that was very, very difficult. But I um able to make friends. In fact, two two friends that I made in eighth grade are still my dear friends.
SPEAKER_01See, great. Oh, silver linings and all of that. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and so in fact, one of the one of them, so I had to, I just had to go out at the mailbox and get on a bus. And the bus would come pick me up, and we went into the town to a big parking lot. You get off that bus and get on another bus to go to your particular school.
unknownYes.
SPEAKER_00So I'm in a panic. I don't because mom doesn't know. I'm like, I don't, this is just what they told me to do. Yeah. So I get on the bus petrified, and I get on the bus, you know, and it's the it's the dreaded, you know, the movie scene of you get on a bus and the whole and they're all looking at you, and where do I sit? And this cute little girl said, uh, you can sit by me. And that's one of my dear friends.
SPEAKER_01That's awesome. Yeah, that is awesome.
SPEAKER_00So, yes.
SPEAKER_01So, did you have a sibling that you were closest to growing up? And sometimes that changes, you know, it changes.
SPEAKER_00It changes and it's different. My oldest sister, simply because she did so much raising of me. Just because mom, you know, she was mom's helper. Yeah. So she was my when in the case, I remember like in the in the chaos and everything when you know, a thunderstorm, I'd go down to her room and I'd go to her.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, so that's a safety. Mona and I were only 15 months apart, and growing up we had a love-hate relationship. We were we were either be best you know, best friends or mortal enemies, and that could change in about three three minutes.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00And yeah, so yeah, when we were when I was with my siblings here, they were talking the oldest sister was talking about how mom would call her and say, I don't know what I'm gonna do with these girls. So so in the in that way, she was uh just because she's a year and a half older than I am. We were in fact when we were little, we were we were kind of thought of as twins. Mom dressed us alike, and um, but mom made all of our clothes. Mom sewed all of our clothes. Yeah, she didn't have enough to do if she sewed our clothes, including our little underwear.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and she put little lace on them and everything, you know, just so and then if she had extra fabric, she'd make dresses for our dollies.
SPEAKER_01So super thoughtful, yes, yeah, yes, talented, yeah, yeah, very well, very talented. What what were Christmases like growing up? Um because let's first say when is your birthday?
SPEAKER_00Christmas Eve.
SPEAKER_01So what was that like when you were little to have a birthday on Christmas Eve? Did you get extra presents? Did you celebrate a different day?
SPEAKER_00No, there were no no extra presents. Um quite often it was the opposite. Um, oh yeah, happy birthday, you know, we're opening Christmas presents. Um, and it's like, oh, and I'd be opening a present, especially for my brothers. But they, oh, and oh yeah, happy birthday yesterday. So so quite often it, I mean it was it was lost.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um so, but if I had a party, a sleepover or something, because it usually involved a lot of cousins, but um, it was before, you know, a few days before Christmas or something like that. Um, so it was managed. I didn't have a like a birthday like a lot of other kids.
SPEAKER_01Birthday cake? Did you get a birthday cake? Sometimes. Sometimes, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because mom would say, Well, we have all these goodies, you know, which true. As yeah. Um, if somebody were to say, What's your favorite cake? I don't know what how I would have answered that anyway.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, I I tease that you know, how kid people will say, What's well, what's your favorite meal for your birthday? I'll make it. And um, I didn't get that because oyster stew. Oyster stew was the Christmas Eve meal.
SPEAKER_01That was the tradition for you guys.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So I don't understand that.
SPEAKER_00I don't either at all. I don't either. And so um, but Christmas, uh, Christmases were joyful. Um, I remember as a little, it was usually the happy, especially when dad was drinking, so but it was a happy time. He really liked Christmas, and so it was it was very joyful. They did he did it up well. Uh they loved to decorate, they loved so um, but then we always went to midnight mass. Okay, and they were still at midnight in in little town, South Dakota.
SPEAKER_01Um, was that a big turnout?
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01So they didn't do like um, they didn't do say uh eight o'clock. It was midnight mass. Did they do one in the next day, the next morning? Yes, there was Christmas Day.
SPEAKER_00But it's we were, I mean, it's very small. We were lucky to have a priest. Because it was very small South Dakota, and so we but so we didn't have multiple maps, but um, we did have one that lived in the town when I was young, so um, and then he traveled to a couple other little towns, but um so did you guys sleep a little bit and then go to mass, or did you stay up that whole time?
SPEAKER_01And do you remember that?
SPEAKER_00I seem to remember we just stayed up, just stayed up. I do, and one thing I do remember, so there's you know, um an old very traditional church with lots of wood, you know, and all that. And um, and in the back, they there, you know, the the you you walk through the door and then there were swinging doors like to go into yeah, and so right after there's a memory of at Christmas that right after communion um you know, meditating, but and and then pre and it was so incredibly quiet. And I remember they would use candles, there's a can and um instead of and have the lights very dim and candles and for for Christmas Eve Mass. And it was quiet, and then all of a sudden in the back of the church, you'd hear that door, the the swing door creak. So you're thinking, okay, some and then Santa Claus would come up the aisle. No way, Santa Claus would come up the aisle and he would go to the Nativity and he would kneel down, put a little gift in there, and walk out. Not say a word to anybody, not to say it's and that's so cool. Yeah, it was I mean, it's still after all these years. It was so it was such an impactful moment to hear and just to hear it, and you could, and I could hear the little kids, you know, and you know, the and yeah, it was a really cool, it was a really cool deal.
SPEAKER_01Wow, I love that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Any any favorite gifts that you got for Christmas or birthday, I guess call that the same.
SPEAKER_00You know, I don't I well when I was little, um I got a baby doll and and then mom sold clothes for her and um a little blanket for her.
SPEAKER_01And yeah, did you have a lot of toys growing up? No, yeah, you had siblings.
SPEAKER_00I had siblings, I had lots and lots of cousins.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, um who needs who needs toys when you got all that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and well, and it was go outside, you know, get outside and go yeah, you know, go play, go use your use your creativity, right? Yeah, yeah. So no, we didn't, I mean we didn't have no.
SPEAKER_01How has it been as an adult having a birthday on Christmas?
SPEAKER_00As an adult, um, well, as a as a mom, you know, and with little kids, then you know, a lot of times the dad will hear it's mommy's birthday, let's, you know, so I I basically had a birth morning instead of a birthday.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And try to try to make it fun for them and yes, them remote.
SPEAKER_00They would bring it and they would bring breakfast in bed. I'd stay in bed, and they brought breakfast in bed. And so my husband would facilitate that. And and so it and it was it was certainly um tried to be recognized. But but then as an adult, now I'm I'm always in mass on my birthday. I chose uh my confirmation name. I chose Noelle. That's great. So that's great. Yeah, makes so much sense. Yes. So it's you know, as an adult, it's pretty cool. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so you didn't really get any more gifts, though. So for like you, did you ever like they were like, here's your gifts for Christmas and birthday? Basically, yeah. There was never a here's a couple of or here's one birthday gift or anything like that. Did you always multiple gifts? Did you have stockings growing up?
SPEAKER_00We didn't, our family did not do the stocking thing. You didn't do the stocking, we didn't do the stocking thing. We and we always opened our presents on Christmas morning.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Were they wrapped?
SPEAKER_00Yes. They were wrapped, they were wrapped, yep. And we did it on Christmas morning, and because mom said um it's Christ first, we'll do presents tomorrow.
SPEAKER_01But she could have given you a gift on your birthday then.
SPEAKER_00At times they were at times there were the you know, at times there were gifts on my birthday or even the day before. Um, but not like what everybody else got. Not what it, not what, you know, the yeah. My the one sister, she's her birthday is in August. And it was always, you know, a big deal. And her big thing was she didn't want a cake she wanted watermelon. Because getting a watermelon wouldn't at that it was a big deal. It was a big deal. So it was so yeah, it was um, yeah, it's just kind of incorporated into all the other goodies and all the other.
SPEAKER_01So what did you do for fun as a kid? I know you said you went to the pool a lot.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, in the summer we lived at the pool. Um in the winter, we in our little neighbor in our town, you know, a bunch of kids around, and so we had a really a really good-sized back flat black yard. And so when it snowed, we'd we'd make trails and play fox and geese, fox and geese. And so we were outside and you know, or building forts. Um, I would go out.
SPEAKER_01It didn't matter the weather, you were outside.
SPEAKER_00Oh, absolutely. Yeah, and we you know, and I was thinking about that too the other day. That you know, we didn't have the the snow pants and the you know, it's it's high tech now about the snow pants and the coats and the and the bibs and the boots and the and the gloves, and we just had what we just used whatever we had. I remember putting bread bread bags in my boots.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Yes, but did you have boots or did you have galoshes?
SPEAKER_00Well, both, yeah. Both if we were able to find boots, or well, a lot of I had a lot of hand-me-downs. So, because of with sisters and cousins. I remember the first time I got a I got my own pair of shoes. My and they were they were new. Um and it was 1970s. They were just mine, they were 1976, so it was 1976, and they were red, white, and blue sandals. And boy, was I, yep, and I uh little red keds, you know, with the rubber.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that was the big thing. Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And yep, and I got a pair of black, they were black zip-up boots that come up to your knee, and all outside on the outside there was a I don't know, an applique of roses. I'll tell you what, I was happening. And mom and mom made me a dress to go with those boots.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I was happy, I was happening. And I and I'm sure I walked around or like I was happening.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, right. It's true. How old were you?
SPEAKER_00I was probably six at that time.
SPEAKER_01Isn't that funny? Something like that, and how that sticks with you.
SPEAKER_00Well, and again, I think, and I when I look back on it, I think about my mom. That's how she showed her love through through those sorts of things.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So you couldn't do it all the time. Little things here and there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. Okay, how about summers? Did you always have like the slip inside? Because you said with the backyard you had fox and geese in the winter. Did you have slip insides or anything like that?
SPEAKER_00No, we went to the swimming pool.
SPEAKER_01Just went to the swimming pool or on your bike. Yes. Meet your friends there.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Did you guys do baseball?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01No, no baseball.
SPEAKER_00I wasn't no, there wasn't a I don't remember. No, didn't do anything like that. And in in when we were in South Dakota. Um, in Minnesota for a couple summers, I was in softball, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02Um yeah.
SPEAKER_00And uh the yeah, so every you know, all the kids in town were at the swimming pool. And so yeah, that's where you found your friends. Well, because you're going to the pool. Well, because I had because we had so many cousin families. Yeah, it was built in.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. Any favorite subjects or teachers that you had growing up?
SPEAKER_00Well, I really enjoyed history. I really enjoyed math. I I just I just really enjoyed school. But um, and just learning new things. I was I was I was always reading something. I would I remember the getting the reader's digest and just reading as a young person. I'm talking like seventh grade, you know, reading it from cover to cover. I'd love, and I would just I'd just get a history and re start reading history book. I was a weird little kid, but weird. Um so I I and honestly, school was my escape from the the chaos in our you know, in the family at at the time. At that time, yeah. So and it was a place that I I excelled, I did well, and so that contributed to my what I I liked school, yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, and it so turned out also that self-esteem too, when you excel, like you have something that you are really good at, yeah. That you enjoy going to, and yeah, it's not frustration, right?
SPEAKER_00Yes, I yeah, I I don't remember yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_01How about vacations?
SPEAKER_00Uh we didn't do much for vacations. No, we um well since you were in Salt Dakota, did you ever Mount Rushmore? When I was very, very little, we went to Mount Mount Rushmore once. Um we would go from it, and then when we started going to Minnesota, I mean because we were on the lake.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you just on the lake. That is a vacation.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it is, it was. And people would come see us. Yeah, yeah. Because we would, you know, we lived on the lake. Did you guys have a boat? We did. Dad found uh uh through his store, got a pontoon boat that he named the Rita Marie after my sister. That's cute, and uh so yes, we would go fishing. We would go uh there in those early summers that we were there. The priest from South Dakota would come to our house um to go and to vacation.
SPEAKER_01Did you fish?
SPEAKER_00Yes, so we would go. So I'm gonna say, like I was probably fourth grade, and he would come into our house and he would have his black suit on. He would go to the bedroom and he'd come out in shorts and t-shirt. And Mona and I'm well and I are like we're going to hell because we saw a priest in shorts. But yes, we would go fishing. Um that and we'd go fishing. Um we would, you know, who got the first fish, who caught the biggest, who caught the most.
SPEAKER_01So what kind of fish did you guys fish for?
SPEAKER_00Just pan fish, just whatever showed up on the on the hook. It wasn't it was nothing serious, it was just whatever showed up on the hook.
SPEAKER_02There you go.
SPEAKER_00And I my dad would tell the story that I provided the most embarrassing moment for him as a parent because I was about fourth grade and I just about I had a good sized fish, and I just about it had it over the rail and it hopped off the hook, of course. And I said, I don't know if I can say it, I said, You bastard. Oh and my dad, my dad, of course, chastised me. And one of my sisters said, Do you even know what that means? I said, No, but dad said, and the priest said, Out of the mouths of babe, John. So he would dad would tell the story that I provided the most embarrassing moment for you. He just laughed. Yeah, he did. He just said, you know, thinking, you know, where would she learn that sort of thing? And and you know, my dad did not cuss a whole lot. Even as you know, as I grew up, I I don't know as a little person why I would have, I don't know. But it that's so funny.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Um so yes, we would fish, panfish. Um, I loved, I could do put it on the hook, I could take the fish off the hook, and I would clean them, including gutting them, but I would not eat them.
SPEAKER_01Well, you made it for everybody else, right?
SPEAKER_00I had my I and people, why didn't you because it tastes like fish? That smell, that fishy smell fishy smell. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, the smoke can really affect the taste, yeah.
SPEAKER_00But yeah, oh dad, love, you know. Oh, that's a you know, Minnesota that's you know, fresh pan, pan fry, pan fish. Is that what because they pan-fry them like in a yeah cast iron pan? And so anything cast iron is good. Yeah, so we would oh geez, we loved the oh the lake was just I and I loved the lake in all the seasons. Because the seasons of the lake was so pretty. I walked I really enjoyed um watching it and so um yeah, so we I re I remember the first time we went to we went um There was an uncle in his family that lived there. I think that's what drew dad to that area. But um, we went to Duluth, so I'm gonna say, as maybe a sixth grader, uh I saw Duluth for the first time in the ship in that much water. Because I I mean I'd seen I'd been out to the river, it's the the Wahee Dam, and I'd been out, you know, that much water and everything, but to go to Lake Superior and then to see those ships. Oh huge, and then we went on because you can take a tour around the and we went on that, and and it was the first time, it was the first time. There's a strange memory, but it's the first time I had um Kentucky fried chicken.
SPEAKER_01Oh, really?
SPEAKER_00Because that's what we had for a picnic lunch. We went and got, you know, the big bucket.
SPEAKER_01You're living high, man. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yep. We didn't have a we didn't have a vehicle. We had um it's a van, like a I guess it's a moving, it's not a big U-Haul moving van, but just a small van. And it it had two seats in the front and I think a bench. But then in the back, you might consit like a 15-passenger van, okay, something like that, but it it only had one bench and the rest was empty because dad would move furniture and everything in it. Sure. So that's what we took. And so as for seating, we put lawn chairs, you know, the old metal.
SPEAKER_01Yes, I don't even know what the fabric was that like it's that weedy plasticky, yes.
SPEAKER_00And that's what we we sat in in the back, and it was so I I remember that as um, you know, a a trip we took that was what you know, a lot of fun.
SPEAKER_01But you couldn't get away with that now.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no. No, no, no, not I wait, yeah. So so yeah, we didn't we didn't do a whole lot of vacation vacations.
SPEAKER_01Um around some other things that you got to really enjoy that maybe most people traveled to enjoy. Yeah. And you know, things like that.
SPEAKER_00It was I remember it was a big deal. Um we went up to um in Minnesota, the headwaters of the Mississippi.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_00In north central Minnesota. And that's that's cool. It's a national park.
SPEAKER_01And it's so how far was that?
SPEAKER_00Um from our house, maybe a couple hours.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so nothing that's something soon.
SPEAKER_00We'd have a picnic, we'd take a picnic and you know, and with my cousins that live there, and and it's really cool because you can walk across the Mississippi at that at that time at or at that place when it when it flows from the the lake into the very cool stream that becomes the Mississippi River. And so yeah, so the big deal is you walked across the Mississippi. So we did we do things like that.
SPEAKER_01Um, so how old were you when you started like working outside of the home? Did you have a job in high school?
SPEAKER_00I my first job was in the summer of eighth grade, and I I was like a nanny to my cousin's little girl.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Um, so that was my innate.
SPEAKER_01Is that what you did most of the time in the summers was that I did that?
SPEAKER_00I did that for two, because I couldn't drive, so she would drop off her daughter at I think I did that for two summers, and then I got a job at a I don't know what you would call it, a little petting zoo park, and I was the um concession shack runner. So I learned how to make cotton candy. And yeah, so I was I did that for a summer and then um and then I worked at the Dairy Queen for two summers. That was probably my favorite job there working at the Dairy Queen. That was fun.
SPEAKER_01I worked at a Dairy Queen too.
SPEAKER_00I was really good at making the curl, right? Yeah, so yes, so I and so yeah, I worked, I always had a summer job after starting in eighth grade. I always had a summer job. So I always had to help.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. How about um after high school? You did go to college.
SPEAKER_00I went to college. Um where did you go to college at? In the community college. I started out the community college. I'm my we're in climate. My my dad, you know, and mom were doing these businesses with my siblings. Um, and it was just kind of assumed that I I don't know if it was assumed in my head as I was 17, 18-year-old.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's like, I do not want to work for my mom and dad. Um, and I need an excuse. I gotta figure out how I'm gonna manage this. Something else to do. I know, I'll go to college. Because I a lot college was not the automatic route. In fact, uh it was the alternate route in our family, in our culture, my cousins and everything.
SPEAKER_01So who else went to college of your siblings?
SPEAKER_00My one uh the middle sister, Rhonda, went to college. Okay. Um, she was a social worker.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Uh, God love her for that sacrifice. She was in child services.
SPEAKER_01Couldn't do it.
SPEAKER_00Um, so yes, and she just retired a couple years ago now. Um, so she went and graduated, and then um Mona went to what they called a vote at the time. Yeah, she went there for a little while and she tried for you, but it just wasn't for her. Um, so so I thought, well, if I go to college, then I don't have to have the conversation about whether I'm gonna work for mom and dad or not. So I just I announced I'm going to college, and they're like, uh, okay, right when you find work, basically. So because it because it was out of their well, plus I just really love to learn.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I was that was a place of positivity for me. Yeah. And and honestly, the fact that dad didn't know you know a whole lot about that, it it also was appealing.
SPEAKER_01Because so um so two years at a community, is that what you did?
SPEAKER_00Two years two years at a community college, and I was and which college was that? It was called Brain at the time it was called Brainerd Community College. Okay, and then my fourth semester, a spring of my um Okay, so that your second year. I was getting ready to graduate and I was in calculus three. Okay. And my and I went in to talk to my professor and asked him some content questions. And he said, What are you gonna do with your life? I'm like, I don't know. I'm thinking history teacher, I'm thinking law, I'm thinking counseling. And he said, No, you're gonna go get a four-year degree and you're gonna be a math teacher. I said, A math teacher? I can't be a math teacher. And he said, Why not? I said, Well, I'm not smart enough. And he said, You were in calculus three. Yeah, that's not a clue. And I said, uh no, not until now.
SPEAKER_01And he said you didn't know how advanced that really was. I didn't.
SPEAKER_00I just kept taking the class because I enjoyed it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Which, but this is also the time when women, females in math, in math were I was looked a little bit freakish that it was it was not encouraged, it was not normalized. It was it was abnormal for and so I I'd never been encouraged to be in, you know, to go into that. But I and he said, you don't, he said, you do not understand this, you don't understand this now, but you will. You have what it takes to be a math teacher. And I remember sitting there and I had a it was like a physical focus and click that that's it. And I was looking, I look almost like a look back on my life. You mean the fact that I count everything?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00The fact that you know, just I would take a little a bag, if I got a bag of MMs, I'd pour them all out and I would separate them into colors, and I would count how many is in each color, and and I would keep track of, oh, you know, there's mostly, you know, quite often this is the most frequent one. And just I'm like, drive my sister crazy. But um just it just made a lot of sense. So then so when I I did seek for a a four-year school.
SPEAKER_01Um so then where did you go after?
SPEAKER_00I ended up at the state with my sister Rhonda, it was called the University of Minnesota at Morris.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00And so that's yeah, so I uh so got your four-year degree. Yep.
SPEAKER_01When you were, do you remember when you were little what you wanted to be when you grew up?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01You weren't like teacher.
SPEAKER_00No. Or no, okay. It was it wasn't a yeah, no, it wasn't. I don't remember that.
SPEAKER_01You ever talked about your mom? Your parents didn't even ask necessarily.
SPEAKER_00No, because I remember mom saying, I don't know where she gets the maths.
SPEAKER_01So that one wasn't included. We it's surprised.
SPEAKER_00Well, even in my in my I went to my tenure class reunion, and and at my tenure class reunion, I was uh I had taught, I graduated and taught for five years, and I was in the process of going to grad school. I was doing that transition, and uh one guy said, I didn't know you had you're in math, I didn't know he had talent in that area. Like so, so yeah, so I um so I graduated. I got a my first teaching job was in southwest Minnesota. Okay. Um I my sister Rita drove down to the interview with me, and we uh we thought it as a good sign because we had to go through the little town of Walnut Grove, Minnesota, and cross the Plum Creek. I love that to get to the little town called Tracy, and it's just it's less than 10 miles away.
SPEAKER_01Is that where you taught?
SPEAKER_00That was my first teaching job. Okay, I I knew no one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. How long did you teach there for?
SPEAKER_00Five years.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_00I was there for five years. Um, yeah, I've always said I need to write a book about my experiences at that in that job. But so yeah, young, single, female, uh, math. I was I in a small town, about 20 out of 200 people. Um, I was watched. Let's just say that. They watched what cut what time my lights went off, yeah. Yeah, what was in my grocery cart.
SPEAKER_01Keeping tabs.
SPEAKER_00Yes, absolutely. So yeah, and then well, let's go through this.
SPEAKER_01Your let's take the time to go through the career then. So you were in Tracy for five years. Where did you go after that?
SPEAKER_00Uh, I went to grad school. Um I went in I um Mankato, Minnesota. Okay. Um and then I don't know, I wasn't in the program for very long because I had an assistantship and that's how I was going to fund the this little project. And they called us in and said that the funding was not going to be there for the next year. So I had to pivot change. So I was like, do I want to continue this? Do I get it go back and get a job? I got a cold call from my principal because he had moved on as well. It would have been a great job. Um, but I committed to the masters. Mona, my sister lived in Laramie, Wyoming. And she said, Why don't you come out here? And University of Wyoming's there. Why don't you come out here on and nothing's holding you in Minnesota? Why don't you come out here and be an aunt on a daily basis? I'd always lived, you know, when I left home, I'd lived away from the family. And so that was appealing. So I did all the work and everything to get and was accepted and offered an assistantship and at University of Wyoming. Yes.
SPEAKER_01So while you're doing that at the university, you didn't work. You just went to school.
SPEAKER_00Well, I went to school, and that the the um assistantship was that I would teach classes for them. Okay. So that was my work.
SPEAKER_01Okay, okay, gotcha. So how long then were you there? In Mankato. At the University of Wyoming? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh two. Two years? Did it end up being two years? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then after Wyoming, where did you go after that?
SPEAKER_00At the University of Wyoming, then um, then I started teaching in high school in Cheyenne, Wyoming. And then Cheyenne. Yep. And so I I I went back to I wanted to go back to school because I thought if I were to ever teach calculus, and I wanted to teach calculus, then I felt like a four-year degree did not give me the the underpinnings that I would need in order to do that to the to the ability that I would expect myself.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I went back to school to be a to be a calculus teacher to be able to be a calculus teacher in a high school.
SPEAKER_01So you said then you worked at Cheyenne or taught at Cheyenne. How long did you teach there? Eight years. Eight years. And did you um teach calculus there?
SPEAKER_00And as it turns out, my when I started my second year there, um they asked me to teach calculus. Okay. So I taught AP calculus, and so for the rest of my time, the seven year, I taught AP calculus. There's two levels of AP calculus. It'd be like calculus one and calculus two.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00So I was able to teach Oh, what you really wanted to teach. And then all the other, you know, geometry and yeah, algebra and all that stuff. But the but the but that was my specialty, I guess is what you call it, because that's a special and in teaching math high school math, that would be considered a specialty.
SPEAKER_02That's awesome.
SPEAKER_00In fact, I wrote my mass my thesis on my master's thesis on should we teach calculus in the high schools.
SPEAKER_01So I was yes, yes, from somebody that just loves math.
SPEAKER_00I can I can be I can feel that. I can feel that. Well, you need to come to my class.
SPEAKER_01So eight years there, and then after eight years in Cheyenne, then where did we go?
SPEAKER_00We came here to Dickinson.
SPEAKER_01Did you only when you got to Dickinson, did you only teach at DSU or did you teach at a school around here first before you taught at DSU?
SPEAKER_00No, that when we moved, when we were moving here, there were not there were not any openings at the at any of the high schools.
SPEAKER_01Oh, really?
SPEAKER_00There weren't any openings. So this is 20 years ago.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, so yeah, there were not any openings. And but but we also wanted to try me being a stay-at-home mom because I had never been a stay-at-home mom.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so you tried that. Okay.
SPEAKER_00And so we were gonna try that. Well, then our house in Cheyenne didn't sell, so we had two um we had two mortgages for a while. Got a cold call, so I was like trying to get my sub license. Yeah, yeah. That that would be about a three-hour conversation, but um or my license and my my teaching license, that was that was a big mess. But anyway, geez. Um but so I was I started working on that, and then it subbed a little bit, but then uh um I got a cold call from the chair of the math department that had heard about this couple that had moved to town, and one of them had a math master's, and so asked if I would like to teach a few classes for them, and then it turned into full-time.
SPEAKER_01Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00And then they found out that I had the background that I did with um the the masters and then the the teaching, yeah, the the public school K-12 teaching, then they then I was my quote unquote specialty was teaching the education classes, um, element math for elementary and math for secondary. So those are my those were my lane, if you will. And then I taught whatever calculus every calculus one at least every semester.
SPEAKER_01And that was that was DSU?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01How many years were you at DSU then?
SPEAKER_0017 and a half.
SPEAKER_0117 and a half, and then you retired.
SPEAKER_00Okay, yeah. We'll call it retired. Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_01So if we rewind, because I wanted to get through like the career thing so it wasn't so like mumble jumbled. Um who do you feel like in your family influenced you the most growing up?
SPEAKER_00Oh wow, that's a um I wow, um, in different ways. Uh dad. Dad was a huge influence simply because he was he was dad. He was he there was a lot of focus and energy around him because of his alcoholism, they they become the center, they become the center of the of the orbit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And because and because everybody wants him to get better.
SPEAKER_00And and then everything responding and dealing with those behaviors that you know what uh you know, I learned in in Minnesota, we lived our house was it built into a hill. And so as I would watch him walk down, and he wasn't drinking, but he you know, he was still struggling to stay sober.
SPEAKER_01Oh, sure.
SPEAKER_00We call it dry drunks, things like that. Um so I learned very quickly to watch how he walked down the hill to see what was gonna come through the door.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So in a lot of ways, because of just because of all of that dynamic that he taught me, he was it was a huge influence. Um something that I've in in a lot of ways have tried to claw out of um get well. Yeah, I think in an alcoholic, you know, in an addicted family, in a family of addiction, it doesn't just affect that one person that one person. It's everybody. Yes, it's everybody, and everybody everybody needs help to heal and to recover. It's not just they have their their how they're gonna recover, but like my mom needed help, my and then all of us. So it's it, but because at the time when dad went into treatment, we they didn't they didn't understand all of this. Right. So I would say like my dealing with all of that, dealing with, I mean, I think we it at some point we all have to deal with our raising.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Good, bad, or otherwise. Yep, yep. And so we we have to own it. Yeah, we have to take accountability for it. And so my my dealing with that, I think came at a later time than might happen now when somebody goes into treatment. So uh so he was a huge influence, but then the as I got older and I became a mom, my mom's influence, even though she's past, my mom's influence is stronger and stronger and is in his is there's on way past when uh she passed away.
SPEAKER_01Yes, way beyond.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and then yeah, and my sister Rita, because because she was um she's she in in a lot of ways the mother figure, and as uh after uh mom and dad died, uh she be she was the glue for the family and she remains that but then you know yeah, so they all did, but I would say I would say those three to begin for for certain. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so how did you meet your husband?
SPEAKER_00Funny story. Um so I was what was I 29 when I met, and so large Polish Catholic family, we would have a reunion about every once every three years.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00And you have to get up and stand up and say what you've been doing for three years. And so for many iterations, I'd been receiving harassment because I had, you know, why aren't you married? What do you need? You know, they're offering one uncle offered a dowry, things like that.
unknownOh my god.
SPEAKER_00I was a professional bridesmaid. Oh funny. I had the dyed satin shoes in about every color to, you know, so um, so I had moved out to Laramie in uh this was 96 to go to grad school. And I we came back to the reunion, and uh we ran a camp. We'd we ran a camp because we're so large. And so I in my time when it was my time to announce, or you know, what have I been doing last year? I said, you know, I I moved, you know, getting my you know, going to grad school, getting, and uh and I was taking putting the microphone back to give to dad. We were all lined up because you have to line up oldest to youngest. And so I was handing it back and I said, Oh, wait a minute, I do have an announcement. If I don't meet Mr. Wright by the next reunion, I'll join the nunnery. Because the joke, dad wanted one of his daughters to be a nun, and so I jump, and he's like, You and he said, You probably I was joking, but he said, You promise, and um, and then two female cousins said, I'll join you, and a male cousin said, I'll join you, and so we're all laughing. And we have a lot of humor in our family, but um anyway, so that was a Sunday. I go back to Laramie and I met Chuck that Monday. So we joke that God's like, okay, you know, like in the it's not the plan I have for right. Well, like that show, it's a wonderful life when you know we gotta get the angel down there to do something. Because we gotta do something. So but I I was going to for the summer until my assistantship kicked in. I was going to work at a it's called cathedral home. So I would I would say it's similar to the home on the range here. Yeah. And I was gonna help kids in in their schooling and things like that. And so I got there at in a certain time in the to do the training. And and then I was at there for a couple days, and they said, Well, sorry, we're we've turns out we're not gonna need you guys. It's like, oh, I need a job for the summer. And my sister worked there at a reception, and so I went and so she just grabs the newspaper and she's like, Oh, there's a front desk clerk at a in Laramie. It's a truck stop, bar, restaurant, hotel, gas, bait, shop, yeah, compounding all the things, right? And they were looking for a front desk clerk, and um my sister Simona said, You uh you you can do that job, you can talk anybody. I'm like, Yeah, I can. So I I went out there and was hired on the spot. Nice. And my husband, Chuck, had a job. They they had several um uh convenience stores, but at the truck stop area, they had a huge ice machine.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00So one of his job, one of his three jobs that summer was to bag that ice and go deliver it.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00His friend had the job. His friend had the job. He was going to work in the coal mines for the summer. He said, Here, Chuck, take this job so because I want it when I get back for school. So Chuck was just doing it for the summer.
SPEAKER_01Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00So he comes in to one of my first job, my first day, and comes in and he said, and he just comes in and he said, Give me the keys to the van. And I'm like, I don't know what key van you're talking about, what keys you're talking about. And I don't know that I would give them to you if I he tells the story differently, but but I said, and so then he started talking to me and he said, Where are you from? I said, Minnesota, and he picked up on my accent, which I didn't think I had one, but and so, and that's how we met. So we we joked that we met at a hotel.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, oh my gosh. I could see Chuck saying that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. So that's yeah, so that's how did he ask you out?
SPEAKER_01What's that? How did he ask you out? Did he ask you out or did you ask him?
SPEAKER_00No, he asked me out. There was a uh in Laramie, there was um a street dance summer celebration, and uh it the dance was happening and I was scheduled. Um he figured and so he worked through my manager to if I had to work, and yet yes, I it was scheduled, and he said, Well, I want to take her to that, and so she came in and took my shits or whatever, shortened it so that I could get off and go. So he asked me to go to that street. That was our first date.
SPEAKER_01That's awesome, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So, and then one of our very early dates was because in Cheyenne, Wyoming, is they have Cheyenne Frontier Days.
SPEAKER_01Yep, yep.
SPEAKER_00And so big name, big name Rodeo Rodeo and Musicians. Oh, okay, and he had four tickets to George Street.
SPEAKER_01It's a pretty good date.
SPEAKER_00It was a pretty good date, and he invited my sister Mona, who absolutely loves George Street, and I'm like, oh yeah, get in good with the family already.
SPEAKER_01So how would you describe Chuck?
SPEAKER_00Oh Chuck is he he he knows how to uh talk to people, he knows how to, but he's got a big, compassionate, giving heart. Um he's funny. Um he loves me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01He is a really great guy. From what from what I know.
SPEAKER_00But at times he can he can drive me nuts.
SPEAKER_01Oh, wasn't that anybody? Anybody that were around.
SPEAKER_00But yeah, he's um, yeah, and he's so our yeah, our journey together has been.
SPEAKER_01Well, how long did you guys date before you got married?
SPEAKER_00Uh about two years.
SPEAKER_01Two years. How'd he propose?
SPEAKER_00Even though he even though he at at the Georgia Strait concert just a couple weeks after we met, he told my sister that he was gonna marry me. But then we for it was a dated for a while.
unknownYeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00In about a year, a little over a year, that he he proposed.
SPEAKER_01And how did he propose?
SPEAKER_00Um, we went to his grandpa lived in Colorado Springs, um, Colorado, and we went to visit him, and then we tried to go up to Pikes Peak, but they had closed the road. So with Pike, so we stopped somewhere because he just wanted to see it, and so with Pike Peak, Pike's Peak in the background, he stopped the car and proposed.
SPEAKER_01That's awesome. Like that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So I was like I said, I was like 29 when I met 30. And he so I was on I was completely on my own for how many years, you know, but he still called my mom and dad.
SPEAKER_01So how old were you when you got married?
SPEAKER_00I was 31, I think. 33. 31.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. We got married. Yeah. Okay. What was the wedding like?
SPEAKER_00Um, we got married at the Newman Center in Laramie, um, which was really startled. Chuck was not Catholic.
SPEAKER_01Okay, he wasn't Catholic at the time. Okay.
SPEAKER_00No. Um, in fact, like his family, his friends were all like, What? First of all, Chuck's getting married, and it's gonna be in a Catholic, oh my goodness. All right, we gotta go to see this. Um, he would just go to church with me. I when we were dating, I I said to him, it will never be a condition of our relationship that you join the Catholic Church. I will never ask that of you. I said, but I can't see myself building a life with somebody if they do not have a faith in Jesus Christ. So we talked about it. He shared what, you know, and he has a deep, deep faith. Um, that was one thing that his spiritual and and his just trust in God, in Christ. And yeah, it'll work out, you know. Um that was attractive to me. Um, so we're like, okay, well, we've got that settled, let's move forward. And at the time, I mean, I I was I would say about that time is when I became more faithful in going to mass, and I was back in or in and out sort of thing. Um questioning a lot. I was questioning everything at that time in my life, but questioning a lot. I just trying to understand my faith. Um, at one point when I was teaching my first teaching job, I went to a because I just had questions. I just and and my math brain, I gotta have these and I gotta get answers. I see, I seek, if I have a if a question pops up for me, I seek the answer. And um, so mom suggested to we'll go talk to the priest. So I went talk to the priest and just told him what my, you know, and I I just I said I just want to understand this, I have these things. And at the end of the meeting, he told me that if uh with he the words were if with my liberal view, um, I might want to, my liberal views, I might want to consider leaving the Catholic Church. It's like, wow. Interesting. I remember, well, I mean, a question that I was like one of the questions I remember I had at the time was, why can't I was thinking about my one of my dear friends, I grew up the eighth grader that uh she was brought up Lutheran. Why can't she receive in the Catholic Church? I mean, she's very faithful.
SPEAKER_01She thought that was a liberal view.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I mean, those are the sorts of questions I was questioning. Like, can you help me understand that? Can you help me understand? You know, and I mean, it wasn't, I don't think, radical. I was just like, and so I went and told my mom, and she said, Well, don't go talk to him again. So um, so but it was during that time. So I was just I would go to church and um with my sister, and so I was I it it became more I became more faithful, more uh developed and yeah, yeah. Um so he would come and he would come okay with me.
SPEAKER_01So he was okay, he got married or with getting married in the Catholic Church and all that. Yeah, did you guys have like the big reception, yeah?
SPEAKER_00Yep, we had reception, we had a dance. Um we we said when we were planning our we said we will not go into debt over a wedding.
SPEAKER_01Yes. So right, so that's it's one day versus your whole life to have that, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yes. So so yes, we did have um we did have a party.
SPEAKER_01We had um what was the bachelorette party?
SPEAKER_00I I don't know. I mean it wasn't it wasn't a formal thing. It was Mona might have we might have went to a bar. Went to a bar in Larry. That was probably yeah, I don't know. It wasn't a it wasn't a major event. Yeah, yeah. Chuck's had a bachelor bachelor party. Um, he and his brother, they were um pit crew at a um derby.
SPEAKER_01Oh, awesome. Awesome. So I love that. Yeah, that's awesome. So do you do you remember what song you danced to at your buddy?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01No, you don't remember buddy dancing. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00Chuck, if Chuck listens this, he's gonna be mad at me.
SPEAKER_01So what what year did you get married? Remind me.
SPEAKER_0098.
SPEAKER_011998.
SPEAKER_00August. Yeah, we just had an anniversary last week.
SPEAKER_01And that would be how many years? 28. 28. I was like, do not make me do the math. Okay, you got I got the math teacher here.
SPEAKER_00Remember, I don't just give answers.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so how many kids do you guys have?
SPEAKER_00We have two, two kids.
SPEAKER_01And you talked a little bit about you wanted to be a stay-at-home mom for a little bit. Were you ever able to be a stay-at-home mom then?
SPEAKER_00Uh I would say just for like that first fall.
SPEAKER_01So a short time, a very short time, but I was subbing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Trying to send, yeah, trying to find and so it really wasn't like full-time stay-at-home mom. No, I've always been a working mom.
SPEAKER_01So did you find daycare? Found daycare for was it like a daycare center? Did you find a friend?
SPEAKER_00What was we we found a a mom in in home, and um it was right by our house, and she had a son who was in our daughter's class.
SPEAKER_02Oh awesome.
SPEAKER_00So they would just walk after school, they would walk together around the corner. And perfect.
SPEAKER_01Yes, it was yeah, yeah, very much which is kind of, you know, when I interview a lot of older people, you know, that's like what it used to be. Like you would have a friend that would help watch kids, it gave them a little extra money, but a mom could go and work outside the home, maybe or whatnot. It wasn't so much the daycare centers, yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, that's it was in the sense she had a day, yeah. She had, I don't know how many, uh maybe she had up to like seven kids in her home, licensed. Licensed, yeah. Yeah, but it just happened to be lay in and worked very well.
SPEAKER_01It worked out perfect, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then um, she had a she had a daughter who was the same age as Jack. So when they got to be to go to they went to a preschool and it was across the street from their house.
SPEAKER_01Oh, jeez.
SPEAKER_00And the teacher would walk the kids back.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So that was it was perfect.
SPEAKER_01What's the age difference? Well, first, okay.
SPEAKER_00Three years.
SPEAKER_01Your daughter's name is what?
SPEAKER_00Madeline. Madeline.
SPEAKER_01Madeline.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01After your mom. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_00Well, it's her name is Madeline Mary, and so my mom was Madeline Mary, but Chuck's mom was also Mary. So she's named after our moms.
SPEAKER_01And then you have Jack, you said, right? Okay.
SPEAKER_00And his given name is Jonathan.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00Jonathan Charles. So I know.
SPEAKER_01Okay, figure that one out. We struggled. We really like the name Jonathan, but we'll call you Jack.
SPEAKER_00We couldn't decide. There was a dear friend of Chuck's named Jack, a very influential man is named Jack. And I just thought Jack Charles sounded. And then somebody came in and said that Jonathan meant um means gift from God. So I'm like, well, a lot of times people call John or nicknamed Jack. So that's how we went with it. It was really funny at his wedding because he had to say I Jonathan. And his wife had to say, I take you, Jonathan. And they were both kind of smirking.
SPEAKER_01That is funny.
SPEAKER_00Because most people don't know his name is Jonathan.
SPEAKER_01Were some people in the pews?
SPEAKER_00Like, like we have, yeah. Is this valid? They don't know each other's name, you know. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So 28 years married. You've got two kids. They are now out of the house. You've been how what do you think? And I know I still think 28 years is awesome. I've been married 21, and it is a long, it's it's hard. Marriage is hard. It is hard. It's hard. What do you think you and Chuck did that resulted in a successful marriage that lasts that has lasted so far so long?
SPEAKER_00For us, we never gave up. At the same time. Yeah, yeah. Um we've had a lot, a lot in our marriage, as far as what life threw at us. Um so and then um Chuck joined the church, which again, and that's a beautiful story in and of itself, but and around that, but and I never did ask him to join the church. Um but I and I didn't un I didn't realize it would happen, but it happened that we kind of took a shift and that we it's like we got on this, we we spoke the same language because we had this because he was always going to mass with us, but it became richer and deeper. And so to lean on and and quite often because we've said because we how we even met was so we were like, okay, well, God God made it happen, so He put us together so we both can't quit at the same time. Yeah. So that was uh so we've so it's we've we have learned, grown, learned, um, and uh came out of rough, you know, like what I what I witnessed growing up and and he had some similar um so but uh but by the grace of God um we did not repeat because quite often, like in they say in you know that you repeat the cycle until you have until you get it interrupted, and and we both desire that interruption and um but by the grace of God to break the so the to break that cycle of um so we've yeah, God is why we're still together. And you guys have one grandchild on the on the way, yes, which is exciting.
SPEAKER_01It is exciting, super exciting, yes. Um, okay, we did, I had you walk me through that. I was gonna have you walk me through the career path, but we already did that. Um, I want you to talk about how your parents passed away and what you learned from that experience. Because when you first told me about this in book club, we're in book club. Um, I just thought it was such a crazy story, and um the forgiveness that you had and whatnot was just really touching. So, how did your parents pass away? When and all that, when and all that, yeah. When and all that.
SPEAKER_00Um, so Chuck and I got married August of 98.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Um, October of 98. My mom and dad uh were in a car accident. Um, and because they had moved back to central in South Central South Dakota. They were um mom and dad had been in Minnesota visiting my siblings and their families, and they'd gotten back, um gotten back to get home and dad's brother and the brother-in-law was down at the farm because dad went back into the cow business. He bought cows again, so he and so my uncle was checking on the cows, and so dad and mom drove down there to to get and they had him jump in the vehicle. Let's not take another vehicle up to town, and on the way back from the farm to town, they were about a mile away from their house, and they were hit head on by a construction pickup. Um and so mom and dad and my uncle um I was my my uncle and my mom were deceased on the scene. Dad was still alive. Um and then the vehicle that hit mom and dad, the passenger, was uh my 26-year-old cousin on my mom's side, and he passed. So out of the five people in that tragic, the the only one who survived was the driver. I mean, he he survived. He didn't um he didn't certainly walk away, but he survived. Um it was a construction pickup, so it was very, very heavy. Um, and then hitting mom and dad. So um just about six inches off dead center. So dad got they got the and the so it's a small rural, you know, this town of about 800 people, whatever. So it's all volunteer. And they they come to the scene and they know every they know all these people. These people are, you know, they went to school with these people's kids. They went, you know, they knew so it's I mean, just awful for them to to pull up on something like that. And then here are the people that they and just I I pray for them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's a horrible thing to watch.
SPEAKER_00For what they yeah, for what they experienced. We were talking about that with my siblings here a couple weeks ago. Um so they so dad they did get dad to the um to the hospital, and my cousin to the hospital, but and and it bo um but they didn't make it. Um dad the uh dad was driving, it was on the uh the the airbag deployed, um, but the the impact was so great that it tore or break broke the cartilage that holds up the aorta. Okay. So they knew that's what needed to be fixed. And so a little rural in in had a helicopter coming, but he just um and you said your cousin had in a sense survived the initial crash and they took him.
SPEAKER_01Whether, yeah, it it was I like it wasn't on the scene.
SPEAKER_00They they did not they did not announce him on the scene because I don't know if it was that you know I learned way too much about what has to happen in an accident because if if if they even get a pulse or even get a something something, they they can't they're gonna transport you. Yeah, they transport you, and you can't but they told us too that you can't you can't declare a deceased in the ambulance, it's got to be either on the scene or in the hospital. So so he might have been, he might have been, but yeah, there wasn't.
SPEAKER_01Um but now tell me, because I know when we talked about this, you had said, um, if I remember correctly, you were kind of angry. Well, obviously, you were angry to begin with. Sure. But you were able to, when you found out that there wasn't there wasn't drugs, there wasn't alcohol, there wasn't any of that. How do you how do you forgive that? How do you forgive that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he It happened on a Monday. I don't know, but it was very early on in that week. I don't, I don't, I'm not, I don't know if it was Wednesday, Thursday. I don't know. But very early on, we heard back, and I can't even tell you how. We heard back that his that the driver's blood was clean. There was no alcohol, there was no drugs in his system to impair. Why would he be that far across the lane?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00The center lane. The center line. Um so for me once I found that out, it it took a layer of anger, took a layer of of and and and was able, and I was and my siblings, we were able to talk about it as an accident rather than something else.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Because he and I mean he's a he's a working stiff like the rest of us. Um we don't know, we they did a huge investigation. They had a um, it was a major highway, it was shut down for over 24 hours by the um state patrol to try to figure out what had happened, try to reconstruct all that stuff. And um so but the fact that and the fact that he his blood was clean, I mean, he was probably doing something like we all do where they it was it was the end of October, where they looking out in the field and there were a bunch of deer out there, and they were talking, you know, hunting's coming in a couple of weeks, and where the and they and or you know, did he was he changing the radio? Did he drop a cigarette and he picked it up? I you know, I there's so many what ifs. There's so many what ifs, but the fact that it was not negligence and it was not intent, you know, driving under the influence, or it was nine 1998, so it wasn't a cell phone issue.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00So uh so yeah, so I was there was a there was a relief in me about that, and I was grateful for it, which was very strange, even in that time. I mean, so a little bit of closure, well, a little bit of closure, and just maybe a uh the absence of a layer of this man intentionally killed my parents, yeah, because of he being something stupid or driving under the influence or you know, whatever.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_00He he and my cousin Sean had just gotten off of work, so they were construction.
SPEAKER_01How old was the driver?
SPEAKER_00I I don't even know, and you know what? I don't even know his name.
unknownIsn't that crazy?
SPEAKER_01I don't because a small town worked with your cousin.
SPEAKER_00He and they were from Pier. They worked in Pier, and so they worked in the so they drove to the it was like it's like 30 miles, but so I didn't know him. Yeah, and I can't even today I can't even tell you his name. So when I pray for him, I had to call him the driver.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, God knows what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. So um, so yes, I'm um with all the other emotions that goes along with something such as that and the immensity of it. I'm just grateful that I don't have that, I don't wish him ill will.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Because he probably lives with that knowledge.
SPEAKER_00He has, yeah, because we well, because the it was a construction company pickup, and so they and the big company, and we just wanted to know if he understood what happened. Did he know what happened? And the construction company shut it down and said no one can talk to him. Their lawyer in the even in the hospital. And and they the word back to us was if you if you want to talk to him, you're gonna have to sue us. So they wanted to keep that protection of the corporate. We we didn't want to, I mean, we didn't want to sue anybody or anything like that. It's like we I remember siblings talking about it. It's like he he's a working stiff like the rest of us.
SPEAKER_01What does he have that we yeah, we you can't give us back what we what you talk about? Right.
SPEAKER_00And what you you think money's gonna Yeah, we just we just want to know if he knows what happened.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, but they wouldn't let us they so then it's like uh do you then's the question, do you sue? Yeah, do you sue to get answers? Do you you know it's like it's just there's so many my my life is before accident and after.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. How great your parents got to see you, Mary, yes, you know, so many vaccines in yeah.
SPEAKER_00Here's here's my non-Catholic husband at the time when we got the word. One of the first phone calls he made was to the priest.
SPEAKER_01Because he knew that that was important. He knew he already knew what, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and um father Roger said, get out your wedding pictures and look at them. So, and then after I got, we were gone for about two weeks. After I got back, I went to see Father Roger. And I remembered telling him, I'm angry, I'm mad at God. He said, Of course you are. Yeah, okay. Most people say you can't be mad at God. You're like, Of course you are.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And he said, but listen, you know, that's how he would, oh listen, do you love your mom and dad? Yes. Yeah, yeah. And he, do you love your mom and dad? And I said, Yes, father. And he he asked me again, and I'm starting to get a little irritated with him. And he said, They have seen the face of God. If you love your mom and dad, how can you ask them to come back here? Oh, well, I don't know that I that kind of stopped me in my tracks and gave me a different direction. I didn't ever think about defining love that way. Do you love them so much? Their greatest good. Their greatest good. And I said, my mad. And he goes, Oh, well, we'll get over, we'll we'll deal with that. He said he was just like, you know, like, do you see me? Do you see my life imploded here? And yeah, um, but he was he was a very good man. In fact, when Chuck joined the church, which was here about 10 years later, um we found him because he had left. We really Chuck wanted to find him. Oh, and we found him, and he was, it was uh of course it was Easter Vigil, and it was the Saturday of Easter Vigil and at his church, and he happened to come back to the rectory for something, and uh answered the phone and he remembered us, and he was so excited, so excited for Chuck and our so excited for your family said so that was really cool.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's very cool.
SPEAKER_00So, yeah, but by the grace of God, so yeah, so I mean that yeah, anything you want to know about the that accent, the uh or the well, I feel like there's not a good transition into any of the other topics. No, it's okay. Well, I I've learned, yeah, well, a lot of when I so when this happened, I had just started my teaching job in Cheyenne at the at the high school.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_00And the eight years that I was there, I was known as, oh, you're the teacher who lost your parents. Oh, you're the teacher who lost your parents. So that was my that was my identity. Yeah. And people look when they get that information, because the immensity of it.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I got, and then and then I did there a lady was driving, came up on the scene and hit and and broke her ankle or something, and like and so uh, and I can't even tell you her name, but um anyway, but so yeah, you're so I was that was always that was put up. So when we moved here, I still I had a different feeling about, and then I realized people didn't know my story. They didn't know, oh, you're the teacher who lost parents.
SPEAKER_01Right, right. They didn't know that you didn't have to be known for that, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and so I you know, um that that was a different again, and an unexpected change.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So you start in a sense, and not that you don't you don't want to be known for that.
SPEAKER_00I mean, really, you know, it's because people I say that because I people when I when I tell them, so first of all, to lose both your parents, they were 63 and 64 years old. And and then I say that, and then I say, and my uncle, and then I say and my cousin, you know, the the immensity of that. I you know, so as far when you said I don't know how to transition, it it's just part of my it's part of my life. It's just it's so talk about anything you want. You don't have to worry about a transition. Um, it's just this is well part of my life story.
SPEAKER_01And when you were little, you said you didn't try you guys didn't travel much, you didn't take many vacations after getting married and working and all this stuff. Did you guys do any traveling? Have you and Chuck didn't we travel?
SPEAKER_00You know, when I was growing up, our tra if we traveled, it was usually to go see relatives. And Chuck and I got a lot to say because we were poor. Yeah, we didn't go anywhere, we were poor. Um, so if we did travel, we went to visit people.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, I we lived in my own I desired to go to Minnesota once a year in the summer because it's that's real busy to go sit my yeah, so I at one time I had four siblings that lived there, but three and my girlfriends, but but it's but it's an anchoring for me just to go sit by a lake and quiet and watch the water, the loons, and watching the loons, and the funny thing about me and my math. I figured, you know, when I when I said I looked back and oh yeah, I might do have a math brain. I remember sitting by the lake and I'd watch loons and they would dive. I would immediately start counting how long they were underwater, keeping track of oh my gosh, and I would name them, and then that's a long one. It's you know, holy cow, you know, that's a long one. So so for me, it was a it's a grounding to get, and so we would come to Minnesota in the summer. Um, in fact, we'd we start. I mentioned Cheyenne Frontier Days. We would leave because Cheyenne gets so crazy, and our house was a however many blocks away from the park. So we would leave that week. That's when we would go to Minnesota. Yeah um so so yeah, it's so um, in fact, on our 25th anniversary, wedding anniversary, Chuck and I are gonna go somewhere. Um, we both really like family history, studying family and digging into family history. Um we wanted to go, we decided we were gonna go look at some different places to try to find information. And but we said we would be going through places or nearby where friends and family were there. So our rules were we don't know where we're going from one day to the next. And we can't stop to see anybody above ground. It's like if we went to a cemetery, found a nobody above ground. So we um so to be able to uh and and that was and that trip, I mean it was, I don't know, I guess pre- but we we were so incredibly overscheduled. Oh, and just over scheduled, yes, and just and so and if there was if there was something that looked interesting, we were gonna stop. Because I don't know how many times we would travel and oh that store looks interesting, oh, antiques or you know, or ice cream, you know, but we we're in a hurry. We're too in a hurry, we don't have time to stop. And so that whole trip was about that, yeah. And about from one trip to the next. And Chuck really likes um microbrews, so he would look up for the next one and stuff. Yeah, and so that's what we took that trip, and so that was we uh we were it was our 25th for your 25th, then so just three years ago, yeah. And yeah, so we um I was probably the most leisurely and just yeah, like it wasn't we didn't go travel to see somebody, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01It was yeah, spending time together and just seeing what you could find.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yeah, tootling around and that was fun.
SPEAKER_01Any unique talents that people would be surprised to hear about. Is this one gonna be good?
SPEAKER_00No, I laugh. I I laugh because people, you know, the I I math. Um, I discovered through my preparing or getting ready for my daughter's wedding that I'm pretty good about putting flowers together. I'm kind of surprised myself. Arranging them, arranging the and um arranging flowers and arranging, and so it kind of kicked into a bit of a creative part of me that um the a friend of our that neighbor at our family farm in South Dakota that uh he calls it artsy fartsy. And so yeah, I'm I'm I'm I guess I'm I don't know if other people, but I'm surprised about that.
SPEAKER_01About um uh I can't do that, so I'm yeah. What's an important life lesson that you've learned?
SPEAKER_00Oh seek God. In I just you know, the story of the lady that just touches his cloak. I I pray that I just I I I get to even just be near to seek or you know, hope to get into heaven and just squeak into the room. I just can I just be in the room. Yeah to seek a God. I I ask those questions. Um because I yeah, I don't know how I would I would be in a marriage um to be a mom, to survive mom and dad's uh accident, the accident. I I don't know how I would have done any of that without the relationship with God and leaning into that. And Mary is my friend.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, she's a great mother. What do you feel like has been your greatest accomplishment?
SPEAKER_00Um surviving with humor and a semblance of sanity intact.
SPEAKER_01I think that's a pretty great one. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And to not to not replicate those cycles.
SPEAKER_01If you could go back to any point in your life, maybe it's a stage, maybe it's a uh specific memory event, what would it be and why?
SPEAKER_00Wow. Um the first one that popped into my head so as we said, we're um we're gonna be grandparents here, and I was so I my daughter-in-law, whether she I I just you know just talking to her about because it you know it brings up your own childbirths, and and I told her when this came out, and it kind of surprised me that it came out that I would change this. That when the baby is born that what as the mom, what you are doing and participating in physically is immense. Honor that, tell your husband we are honoring. Yeah, because uh so what I would change going back, I I just figure, you know, having a baby and just keep moving and just you know, because I gotta do it all. I gotta I was teaching, I was, you know, and all I I gotta do it all. In fact, right after I first started, uh, I got home, I had C-section and um got home from the hospital, and the next day we went mattress shopping. Like that's crazy. That is crazy, but I it it was that so honor that what of which your body has done and the miracle that you and just wallow in it. I mean, just uh sit in it and and and take that time to do that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I wish I'd a lot of cultures have the 30 days of lying in.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01So moms can people come to them to help out around the house, you know, and whatnot.
SPEAKER_00So it was a my daughter about a week after she was born. Um my sisters came and read the oldest one, was the first one at the door, and I met him at the door, and she goes, Her first was, you look like shh, give me that baby and go to bed. Because I physically I was not well because I just kept going. I had to do, I had to do it all. I had to, and I didn't, you know. So that's what I would want. That's first thing that popped in my head that I would do different.
SPEAKER_01Is there anything you always wished you had done but never got around to doing?
SPEAKER_00I uh I don't know. God, I mean, at this where I'm sitting today, God was God was in all of it. So I don't know what that would have been.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um I I don't yeah, I I don't really have an answer for that.
SPEAKER_01So if you could go back and give yourself a piece of advice, what would it be?
SPEAKER_00Would it be about the baby in the first well that that would have been that would have been one of them, but um I would probably go back and to that eighth grade girl, you're gonna be alright. Just hang on, you're gonna be alright. And you're gonna have people along the way that's surprising, and people along the way that are gonna help you do that. Yeah, just hang on.
SPEAKER_01What's your all-time favorite song? Gentlewoman. Oh, that's a great one. You came up with that fast, too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, when we're uh yeah, we played church and I just oh, okay. Yeah, it's yeah.
SPEAKER_01What's one thing you want people to remember about you when you're gone? Would you love that? Hopefully, not for many, many years.
SPEAKER_00Wow. That's a hard one. What's your answer?
SPEAKER_01I don't know. I'd have to think about it. I'd have to think about it. Um because my answer now might be different than in like 10 years, right? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, I've I've asked I've asked questions and sought sought relationship, and um I would like people to know about me. There is evidence that I have sought a relationship with Christ. Are there any other memories you want to share? No, I you kind of oh goodness, there's just there's so many. There's um just I would say in general, not necessarily a specific memory, but in general, that even in all the the darkness and the chaos and everything, um I I'm grateful that I have a sense of humor, and I can see it's um and like my cousin, like we we get together and we we give each other a bad time and we laugh, and there's there's laughter and joy, even even when we've had to bury our parents, and even when you know, and and which it sounds crazy, but it but it is, and so it's that sense of family and to participate in that family because of the richness. And so if I just stayed away, then you don't develop those relationships, and so just um you know, it's the idea to have to have a friend, you have to be a friend, and um so I'm just I'm just grateful for that sense of humor. I I used sense of humor a lot in my teaching, uh, a lot. Um I mean not inappropriately or anything, but just to try to keep, you know, so I'm just I'm just yeah, just different funny things, which people might be surprised. People might be surprised about that. Some things it's like I won't. Um but just in general, those um those memories, the beautiful ones have laughter about them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Anything else you want to share?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. Well, thank you. Thanks for spending a little time with us today on The Simple Lives We Live. If these stories mean something to you, one of the best ways to support the podcast is to follow, share an episode with someone you love, or leave a review. You can also support the show through the links in our website or social media bios. Until next time, don't forget ordinary lives often hold the most extraordinary stories.